i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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