She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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