the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You need Xanax blowdarts
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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