Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize