wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
