I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
