my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
