Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize