I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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