so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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