I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
