dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sarcasm needs its own font
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
