My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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