his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
