If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
