It's Friday. Sex?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
