Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
