A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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