You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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