I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize