I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
