what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
