Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
