I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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