we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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