i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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