How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
