WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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