Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
