i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
