I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
