then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
