He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
