I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
