I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
