There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
