There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
