I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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