So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So. Much. Porn.
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