we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
