also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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