the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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