she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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