I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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