I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
