You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
