Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
