i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
