Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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