i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
