It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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