How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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