the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize