i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Text me some of your sweat
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