Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
