we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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