Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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