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my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
