remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
two words: eviction party
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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