party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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