with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
