you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
