haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize