I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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