I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
