tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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