I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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