I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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