I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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