I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
