i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
