i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
