Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
