Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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