We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
