We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
