Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
