i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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