guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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