The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
