The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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