I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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