fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
