My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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