Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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