4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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