new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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