sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
