yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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