Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
