even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
