I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
