I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
